This Is What Burnout Feels Like
Maybe you just finished a huge project at work, you are exhausted, and you aren’t looking forward to starting the next one. Maybe you are dealing with a toxic boss or company. Perhaps you are experiencing clinical depression. Or maybe you are bored or tired of your job and/or the work you do. Individually, none of these are really burnout. But if you have a combination of them, if you haven’t hit burnout yet, you are well on your way to it.
There is a lot of attention on burnout these days, rightly so. It was recently made a diagnosable illness, many articles have been written, particularly during the pandemic. It is now in the ICD 10, or International Classification of Diseases, which lists it in section Z, Z73.0. [That is the section entitled “Factors influencing health status.”]
However, it’s not always easy to know if what you are experiencing is burnout. Determining if what you are feeling is related to the burnout is even more difficult. I felt a lot of shame around my feelings and behavior so I blamed myself for a lack of diligence and discipline. And for those on the outside, it looked like I was just being lazy, stubborn, and antisocial.
Why did I compile this list?
I put these together after experiencing my own burnout, and now recovery, for people that are going through it themselves (or suspect they are). This list is meant to validate what you are feeling and help you realize you are not broken.
It’s also for those who want their loved ones to understand how burnout takes over your life. Most of those around me knew I was at burnout (it was difficult to ignore by that point) but few understood the depth of what I was going through. I, and I suspect most people, was very good at hiding the full experience. Essentially people only saw the tip of my iceberg.
BURNOUT — WHAT IT IS NOT:
Depression: Burnout on its own is not depression. The two are often intertwined (it’s kind of hard to be happy-go-lucky and at burnout at the same time), but you can be depressed without being burned out.
Hating Your Job: It is not simply a state of hating your job. Or your boss. Or your company. This will exacerbate burnout, but on its own it’s not enough to be considered burnout.
BURNOUT — WHAT IT IS AND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
When Work Is More Than Just Work
- Burnout is a state where you no longer have the energy or will to do a great job, you are always tired, it is hard to think, and things you used to love doing are no longer worth it because they take too much effort now.
- You have a presentation to your leadership team the next day, you have not even started it yet, and you find yourself unable to care. Previously you used to be ready to go a week before and couldn’t wait to present to them.
- You still want to do a good job and you try everything you can to motivate yourself, yet nothing works.
- You feel like even what you do complete isn’t worth anything, so why bother?
- People that do not like their jobs might start stressing about Monday morning on Sunday night. It has been documented — really! However, if you are at burnout, you start dreading Monday morning as you are leaving/quitting work Friday evening.
Faulty Brain
- Your brain no longer works properly.
By this I mean, it is exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to learn new things. - Memory is… what was I saying?
It is a challenge to remember anything (more than just a “senior moment”). - Events are jumbled.
Keeping track of things, tasks, deadlines, important events, dates, etc., all blur into a swirling mix of gray. Even the things you have been looking forward to. Especially the things you have been looking forward to. - Suicidal ideation creeps in.
If you have reached this point, get help immediately!!!
Physical Toll
- Your hygiene begins to suffer.
As in, having to decide if you will either brush your hair or your teeth today but not both, because you don’t have the strength. - Daily showers require too much energy.
When you do shower, they feel like they take forever, and you are more tired getting out than when you got in. - You may be sleeping too little or too much.
It takes forever to fall asleep because you can’t stop thinking about your job. Or you can’t get out of bed so you hit snooze - repeatedly. - Your sleep is disrupted.
You have nightmares about your job, sometimes triggering anxiety attacks. - Always Exhausted.
You are more tired when you wake up than when you went to sleep. - You are constantly sick.
Headaches, colds, you name it, they find you as if you are wearing a target. - Your health becomes a significant concern.
Any underlying conditions stop being controllable, even with medication, to the point you realize you are losing years off your life. - You no longer take care of your body.
Then: You used to make time to move your body. Now: Exercise? What’s that? A walk around the block you say? No thanks. - Your eating habits deteriorate.
Maybe you turn to sweets, ultra-processed foods, fast foods, whatever you consider to be your comfort foods. Regular meals become a thing of the past. Fruits and vegetables become vague concepts and no longer tangible objects. Anything that is quick and easy becomes your go-to. Anything requiring prepping, chopping, or cooking is to be avoided like the plague.
External Environment Toll
Your home hygiene suffers.
- When you don’t have the energy to both brush your teeth AND your hair, you really don’t have energy for vacuuming, cleaning, washing dishes, or any other aspects for your home.
Home repairs are things to be avoided.
- Any fixes or maintenance required are huge burdens — between the time needed, finding the appropriate tools/materials/professional help, and just the stress of yet another problem in your life — they can become too much to deal with.
- And then you have the increasing damage and expense to deal with from delaying.
- Which then becomes MORE stress and anxiety and pressure and confirmation you are failing as an adult.
Clutter becomes the norm.
- Being organized takes more energy than you realize, so when you are at burnout, organization is one of the first things to go.
- It involves making decisions, putting things away where they belong or creating a place where they will go, and dealing with mail/trash/purchases/recycling in a timely manner.
- It’s far easier to just ignore it all.
- Besides, your head is cluttered so the clutter around you might not bother you so much. (This is a lie your brain tells you, because it does bother you, you just might not be conscious of it.)
It permeates everything.
- You are grouchy, tired, irritable, anxious ALL the time.
- Getting out of bed on some days is more than you can bear.
- Visiting friends and loved ones becomes a chore simply because you don’t have the energy to be around others.
- You dread responding to emails, texts, calls and end up “going silent” for extended periods of time. Again, not because you don’t want to, but because you simply don’t have the energy.
If you see yourself reflected in these, please, get help. Life is too short to waste it away, suffering and being miserable.
The first step to healing from burnout begins with this understanding: You are NOT to blame, you are not at fault, and there is nothing wrong with YOU.
Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time, likely more time than you anticipate, to recover. Use it as an opportunity to evaluate your life, your priorities, your hopes and dreams, and what kind of work and work environment supports you. Burnout can be an extreme yet useful tool in building a life you love, if you let it.
Above all, be kind to yourself. You are worth it!
I’d love to hear from you and about your experiences with burnout! My next articles will be a continuation of this theme:
- What Happens When You Recover From Burnout
- How to Recover from Burnout and Prevent its Reoccurrence
- Burnout and Recovery: My Story
